Central High School Host Club
by Kellisina
Summary: After restoring Alphonse's body, the Elric brothers decide that it's time to live normal lives and enroll in Central High School. Edward's search for a quiet place to study is interrupted by a run in with the schools Host Club and he is soon enlisted as the clubs newest host. [Ouran High School Host Club AU]
1. Chapter 1

"Damn it. You'd think with this being the best school in Amestris they'd at least have someplace quiet to study." Edward grumbled angrily to himself. He'd ventured into the school's library earlier only to find that it had been filled with chattering students which made it impossible for him to concentrate. So instead, he stalked through the halls with his arms full of alchemic textbooks, attempting to find somewhere quiet to read his carefully chosen collection. "Seriously, if they're not going to study they should just go home." He carefully pushed open the door to one of the schools music rooms, not holding out much hope.

Instead of the quiet sanctuary that he had been hoping for, Ed received a face full of rose petals and the sight of a group of male students sat in the center of the room, posing as if they had been waiting for him. "_Welcome_." They greeted him with a well-rehearsed unison.

"It's a guy." One of them pointed out with a raised eyebrow.

"Men are valuable patrons too, so stifle it." Another answered under his breath.

"Welcome to the Central High School Host Club." A blonde student carrying a clip board greeted him with a brief, professional smile. "My name is Riza Hawkeye and I'm the manager here. What's your type?"

"My…type?" Ed stuttered, staring at the girl with a bewildered expression. "We have the cool type, Heymans Breda. The strong and silent type, Vato Falman. There's also out resident megane Kain Fury." As she listed the names, each of the members waved and flashed him a grin.

Ed shook his head furiously, but before he could speak a black haired student leaned into him, winking provocatively. "Or maybe, I'm more your type. I'm Roy Mustang, and I'm the King around here."

"Sorry, I didn't even mean to come in. I was just-" Ed backed up desperately, a bright blush on his face. He was so distracted by the advances of the host clubs 'king' that he didn't hear the student approaching from behind him.

"Yo, sorry I'm late, I-" The approaching students' apology was cut off as Ed fell into him, unable to stop himself due to the books which weighed down his arms. Ed crashed into the student, his automail knee proving without a doubt that steel was stronger than bone.

"Havoc!" Roy called out, dashing to his side as the blond screamed in agony.

"I'm sorry!" Ed spluttered, abandoning his books on the floor and helping the man to his feet.

"I can't walk on it." Havoc hissed through gritted teeth. "I think it's broken."

"Come on." Roy scooped him up. "I'll take him to the infirmary." He nodded swiftly before heading out of the room, leaving Ed staring after him. Large hands clamped down onto Ed's shoulders and he found Breda and Falman stood on either side of him, glaring with a deadly intensity.

"I'm so sorry!" Edward winced, "I didn't mean to! I didn't know he was there and-"

He was cut off as Riza looked up from her clipboard to meet his gaze. "There is a high probability that you have cost us the use of one of our most active hosts whilst he heals. Therefore, to prevent any loss of income to this club, you will act in his place."

"Excuse me..?" Ed blinked in confusion.

Riza smirked cruelly as she declared; "As of today. You'll be a host."

* * *

That night, Ed sat across from his younger brother in the kitchen of their dingy little flat, shoveling dinner into his mouth as he spoke. "So now, they've roped me into being a host too. I mean, can you imagine it? Me? A dammed host?"

Al chuckled as he reached for his drink. "I think it'll be a good experience for you."

Ed paused his eating and pouted for a moment. "I guess it is equivalent, I mean… I did take out one of their hosts so it's only fair that I pay them back."

"I think it sound great. Do you think I could join too?" Al beamed excitedly.

"Seriously?" Ed spluttered. "You don't have to do that Al. It's not fair that you would have to suffer too."

"It wouldn't be suffering brother." Al rolled his eyes. "Besides, we help each other through everything, right? It might make it easier for you if I'm there."

"But-" Ed started, intent on pointing out that the pact they made to stand by each other while they were on a quest to retrieve their bodies didn't exactly apply in a high school situation, but he was cut off by Al's sheer stubbornness before he had a chance to.

"I'm joining too and that's that." He nodded, snatching away Ed's empty plate and heading to the sink to wash the dishes.

"Fine." Ed leaned back in his chair, folding his arms. "I suppose it will be easier if you're there with me..."

"And someone needs to be there to stop you from exploding." Al remarked, only just dodging the glass which was launched at his head.

* * *

"So what's the bad news?" Roy asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Havoc's leg is broken in two places. It's take a great deal of time for him to fully recover. He'll be able to work during that time of course, just in a reduced capacity."

Roy sighed dismally at the news. "And the good news?"

"I've enlisted Edward Elric as his replacement."

"Who is this Elric kid anyway? Is he even a student?" When he had arrived at the music room, the boy in question has been dressed in leather trousers and a tacky red jumper, a far cry from the mandated school uniform.

"He's one of the scholarship students." Riza opened up her laptop to search through the school files. "Edward Elric, first year student. And there's also his brother Alphonse, who should be in middle school. They're not in standard classes though, they've both been placed on the third year course. They're prodigies." Riza informed him with a sharp nod. "Top of class 3C, you'll be seeing them both when alchemy classes begin next week."

"Interesting." Roy mused.

"He has the potential to be a great host. Especially with those golden eyes of his. It's very exotic."

"Ah, I remember a time when you thought I was exotic." Roy sighed.

"Half xingese isn't quite as exotic as an unidentifiable race I'm afraid." Riza stifled a giggle at the look on Roy's face which followed his damaged pride.

"Regardless…" Roy quickly recovered his serious demeanor, looking down at the chess set next to him and reaching out to pick up the knight. "This could be interesting."


	2. Chapter 2

Roy wasn't sure what to expect while waiting for Ed's arrival the next day. He certainly wasn't expecting the golden haired boy to kick the door down, his younger brother by his side looking incredibly embarrassed.

"Yo." Ed waved half-heartedly in greeting. "This is Alphonse. He'll be joining too."

"Excuse me?" Riza raised an eyebrow in critical examination.

"We're the Elric brothers." Ed folded his arms across his chest as though daring them to challenge him. "And we do everything together, so Al is joining too."

"…Maybe we should try for the brotherly love play?" Riza suggested to Roy with a sly smile.

"What the fuck is that?" Ed snarled.

"Brother be nice." Al warned in a hushed tone.

"I'm lovely." Ed snapped in reply.

Roy simply laughed. "I don't think that would work. I think we're better off with the boy lolita type for Alphonse."

"Yeah, he does look really young." Breda nodded, gawking at Alphonse who gave them an embarrassed smile.

"And for Edward…" Roy mused for a moment, staring at Ed before flashing a grin. "The devil type."

"Devil, huh?" Ed shared an amused glance with his brother. "Sounds good to me."

"It's certainly fitting." Al commented with a small nod, his ponytail swishing as he did so.

"So where do we start?" Ed asked with an uninterested yawn.

"I have lessons set up for you with Roy." Riza nodded, turning sharply and walking away. "Enjoy."

* * *

"The motto of this club is be strong, distinguished and elegant." Roy explained with a small flourish of his hands. "Even the smallest gesture should be imbued with elegance. For example, when you put down a glass, you should cushion it with your pinky finger in order to eliminate the harsh sound and show more grace." Roy demonstrated with his own glass, then looked up at the Elric brothers. Al was watching intently, scribbling down notes into his small, leather bound book. His brother on the other hand was fast asleep, hunched over the table.

"You'll have to excuse him." Al gave an embarrassed chuckle. "He was researching biological alchemy last night and got a bit carried away I'm afraid. I don't think he got to sleep until about four in the morning, and we wake at six to start training."

"Training?" Roy asked, knowing practically nothing about the boys other than what Riza had told him.

"Just some physical fitness. Mostly sparring." Al flashed Roy a smile before prodding his brother in the side. "Wake up brother."

"M'listening." Ed mumbled, not bothering to open his eyes or move from his position on the table.

"Oh really? Then what did Roy just say?"

"Don't slam the glass down."

"Pretty much." Al admitted with a chuckle.

"Hey boss." Falman called as he approached the table. "We got those uniforms you asked for."

"Uniforms?" Al asked with a small tilt of his head.

"We thought that it would be more befitting if you looked the part. So we ordered school uniforms for the both of you."

"Wow, that was quick." Al's eyes widened slightly in surprise, after all, the host club hadn't known that he would be joining them until just an hour ago.

"We're resourceful like that." Roy winked cheerfully.

Ed glared up at Roy from his hunched over position. "We can't afford your stinking uniforms."

"You don't need to pay for them." Roy stated with a dismissive wave of his hand. "You can just work them off. Now go with Breda and change while I see to my customers."

"Yeah, yeah." Ed yawned, pushing back from his chair to stand. "Let's go Al, I was sick of listening to this guy talk anyway."

"The pleasure was all mine." Roy retorted cheerfully before walking towards his awaiting clients.

* * *

Shortly after Roy had greeted his guests, Breda tapped his shoulder and leaned in to whisper. "Hey boss, you should come see this, it's pretty cool."

Intrigued, Roy apologised to his guests and followed Breda into the room where the Elric's were getting changed. When he pushed the door open, he found that Al was already dressed in their school uniform. He had to commend Riza's eagle eye for detail, the uniform fit the boy perfectly, a vast improvement on his jeans and plain white shirt.

Roy turned to see if Ed was similarly attired, freezing as he spotted the boy in question. Ed was leaning against the wall dressed in nothing but his boxers. The lack of clothing revealed the fact that two of Ed's limbs were made from steel, accompanied by a series of thick scars. "What is this? Show and freaking tell?" Ed snapped, rolling his eyes.

"Automail…?" Roy asked, trying to peel his eyes away from the boy's muscular form but failing miserably.

"Cool, right?" Breda beamed.

Roy met Ed's eyes, quirking his eyebrow in a silent question.

"Lost them during the eastern conflict. It's nothing special." Ed grunted in retort. "Now let me get changed ya freaking pervs." He snapped up the spare uniform, dressing himself in the space of five seconds.

Roy cleared his throat, finding it distinctly easier to concentrate now that Ed was fully dressed again. "We have some customers lined up for the both of you." He informed the brothers. "I'm aware that we're pretty much throwing you into the deep end, but it'll be good to analyse how you interact with the customers."

"Great." Ed muttered under his breath, pulling on a set of white gloves. Roy realised that the boy must have been wearing them earlier, otherwise he would have noticed the metal hand. He wondered idly if Ed wore the gloves at all times to disguise the prosthetic. Deciding not to mention it, Roy led the boys out of the changing room and took them to their customers.

* * *

"So what are your hobbies?"

"I hear that you walk to school. Don't you have a chauffeur to drive you?"

"Is that really your younger bother?"

The questions came so quickly that Ed barely had a chance to answer before the next one came.

"Why don't you tell us about your life Edward?" One of the girls asked, and the others waited eagerly for his answer.

Ed paused for a moment, thinking the request over. He briefly considered giving his small audience an honest description of his life. Starting with the botched attempt at human transmutation, leading up to the day when they finally restored Al's human body.

Deciding that honesty probably wasn't the best policy, Ed chose to give the girls a censored version of his life story. "Well, Al and I grew up in Resembool. Our dad left when we were kids, and then when I was five, mom got sick and died…"

"That's terrible." One of his customers interrupted, tears starting to form in her eyes. "Who did you live with?"

"Well, for the most part, Al and I raised ourselves. We had our Aunt Pinako, who was a close family friend. We would go over to her place most nights for dinner. And then we spent a few years living with our teacher while she trained us. But for the most part, it's just me and Alphonse."

"That's so sad!"

"Not really. He's my brother and I love him. I wouldn't want to have anyone else at my side." Ed replied with a casual shrug.

Much to Ed's surprise, the girls had actually started to cry at this point. Even Roy, who had been eavesdropping from the couch behind Ed's table, was feeling a bit teary eyed. That is until Riza walked past him, muttering "I told you we should have gone with the brotherly love play" and Roy had to bite back his laughter.


	3. Chapter 3

Roy had to admit it; he found the Elric brothers fascinating. They seemed to be polar opposites, but at the same time perfectly complimentary to each other. Riza had figured that the pair would be most comfortable tacking groups of customers together, and the brothers were becoming quite popular in the host club.

A week had passed and Roy was eager to attend his first alchemy class of the term. Their teacher had been delayed due to some kind of health problem and the wait had only heightened Roy's excitement. Plus there was now the additional incentive of seeing the Elrics outside of the club room. If the pair really were as prodigal as everyone claimed, then it would certainly be an exciting class.

The class had received a notice that their first lesson would take place on the school field, so with a shared sense of bemusement the class trudged out of the confines of the school and towards the field. Roy almost walked into Ed after the golden haired boy froze in his tracks, staring dead ahead where they could only just see the teacher waiting for them.

"What's wrong?" Roy asked, looking across at the teacher to see what could have incurred such a reaction from the boy. She certainly didn't look like a typical teacher, her black dreadlocks were tied back into a high ponytail and she scowled at the approaching group.

"We're screwed." Ed muttered.

"What's she doing here?" Al squeaked at Ed's side.

"I take it you know this woman?" Roy asked as the Eric's started to walk again.

Ed nodded, not taking his eyes off the awaiting woman. "Izumi Curtis, she taught us when we were children. I wonder what she's doing here."

"She must have gotten a job as a teacher." Al suggested.

"No shit." Ed laughed. "Let's hope we don't start with a month's survival training." He muttered to Al, who giggled under his breath in response.

As the group reached their teacher, Roy noticed that she had a dark red tattoo on her chest, baring the same flamel which was stitched onto Ed's threadbare red jumper. He expected the woman to acknowledge the appearance of her former pupils, but instead she simply launched into her speech.

"I am Izumi Curtis. You should all be aware, that this is the advanced alchemy programme. As such, I will not accept anything less than spectacular. With this in mind, today we'll be starting off with an exam. Anyone found to be lacking in alchemic talents will be immediately kicked off my course." There was a chorus of disbelieving mutters from the class, which Izumi silenced with a single glare. "I've brought you out here so that you have the raw materials needed for a display of alchemy. You can show me anything you like, but it had better be good. First up, Alexander Armstrong."

"She's not kidding about kicking people off the course." Ed warned Roy in a hushed tone as the first pupil stepped forwards, ripping off his school jacket for some unknown reason. "You better think up something good."

"No pressure then." Roy muttered back.

"You got it petty boy." Ed chuckled, patting Roy's shoulder with an air of amusement.

"You don't seem too bothered." Roy commented. The class was in a state of frantic nervous tension. It was clear that each student was desperately trying to come up with a plan to impress their new teacher, all except the Elric brothers who seemed very calm about the whole ordeal.

"We've survived Teacher's methods before." Ed retorted, "Compared to how she tested us back when we were kids, this is easy."

"I'm not sure I want to know…" Roy answered, watching as Alexander shifted the rock formation to create a small statue in his own likeness.

"You really don't." Ed snickered.

"Roy Mustang." Izumi called out.

"Good luck Roy." Al nodded cheerfully as Roy stepped forwards.

"Yeah, don't fuck up." Ed chimed in.

"Don't worry, I have a trick or two up my sleeves." Roy smirked, pulling on his carefully stitched gloves. Moving so that he was a suitable distance from the rest of the class, Roy clicked his fingers and a spiral of fire shot from his fingertips. The flame quickly died out and Roy flashed Izumi one of his patented grins, moving to stand with the Elrics once more.

"Impressive." Al smiled warmly.

"Cute." Ed snickered from behind him.

"Brother be nice." Al warned him with a stern look.

"Alphonse Elric." Izumi called out.

"Teacher, can brother and I do our demonstration together?" Al asked with a small tilt of his head and wide, puppy dog eyes.

Izumi paused for a moment, baffled by the request, before nodding her assent. The Elric bothers bound forwards and whispered to each other in a conspiratory tone. The class was in a state of tense excitement, everyone had heard that the Elric brothers were alchemic prodigies and this was their first opportunity to witness their genius first hand. Ed spun around to face Izumi. "You ready?"

She nodded with an amused expression and without further ado Ed clapped his hand together. Sparks shot from his palms as he dropped onto his knees and slapped the ground.

"No transmutation circle…" Roy muttered to himself in awe

Ed stood slowly and a suit of polished metal armour grew from the ground, growing to almost three times his size. The class broke out into impressed muttering as Ed stood back, not even having broken a sweat. Roy's short lived feat of alchemy had left him feling exhausted, but Ed looked as casual as ever.

Taking his cue, Al clapped his hands together and placed his palms onto the armour. The alchemic sparks illuminated the armour, which suddenly stated to walk forwards. The class leapt backwards in surprise as the hulking suit of armour bowed.

Roy glanced over at izumi, who had suddenly burst into laughter. "Trust you boys." She chuckled fondly. Her laughter soon descended into a coughing fit and the Elric boys both abandoned their creation, running to Izumi's side. "Teacher!"

"I'm fine." She waved them off, standing straight again. "Safe to say that you've passed the exam."

The boys beamed brightly, and Roy watched in amazement as he saw Edward honestly grin for the first time.

* * *

As the group headed back to the school building, Ed and Al were bombarded by questions both about their new teacher and how they were able to transmute without the use of circles. The pair avoided actually answering any of the questions, giving only vague replies.

Roy waited until they had split from the rest of the group, heading towards the music room for their host duties.

"That was incredibly impressive." He told the brothers who grinned up at him. "How on earth are you able to transmute without a circle?"

"Elric secret." Ed informed him, striding towards the music room.

"Informative." Roy chuckled. "What did you do to the suit of armour? How was it able to move independently?"

"It wasn't exactly independent." Al explained tentatively. "I can transmute part of my soul into inanimate objects for a short length of time."

"Your soul?" Roy spluttered, taken aback by the admission. "How is that even possible?"

"Elric secret." The boys chimed in unison.

"What did you do? Sell your soul to the devil?" Roy joked, pushing the door open to let the brothers through.

An unusually pensive look crossed Ed's face as he passed through the doorway. "Something like that." He sighed before restoring his cheerful façade. "Come on, I'm starving. I'm glad they serve food at this thing." Ed raced off to get ready for his customers, Al quickly followed, leaving Roy stood at the doorway wondering just how the brothers alchemy actually worked.


End file.
